The past and the future
by Crazycatscarmen
Summary: After the kids leave, all of Stan's previous mental issues catch up with him. Not canon compliant, so like Ford waits a few weeks to ask Stan to go sailing and this happens. I know, it's bad. TW: Suicide attempt. I was up at midnight writing this so, sorry about this. Hope you like it anyway, it's got a happy ending, I promise. Longish one-shot.


It had been a week since the kids left. Stan tried to be good. He really did.

But it was never enough.

Turning over in his bed, Stan thought about all the ways he managed to fail in life. _Ruining Ford's life, twice, helping in starting the apocalypse while trying to save him, lying to the kids, not_ finishing _high school, getting into crime rings and screwing that up too. Who the freak screws up being a criminal?_

 _Pathetic. Worthless._

Everyone said it, his own brother believed it. He did too.

 _So what are you waiting for?_

Stan Pines was nothing if not a man of action. Trying not to think about how Ford might react, Stan slipped his hands underneath his mattress and brought out his old pistol. Something he had obtained out on the streets years ago. He pointed it at the one place he couldn't miss.

 _Just do it, no one wants you. Your own brother keeps you around because he feels bad for you, he doesn't care, not really._

Stan hesitated. What about the kids? Didn't they care?

 _They love Stanford Pines, not the man who lied to them all summer, not the fraud._

He was going to do it. He was. He tensed his finger... _Click._

That's right. Stan had pulled out all the bullets when he had heard he was having kids over. Well, shoot. (Pun definitely intended.)

Stan kept the gun pointing at his head. He didn't feel like he could move. Dangit! He was ready to die a moment ago, but he couldn't even do that properly, could he? He knew he should move...but he couldn't. He wasn't sure how. How do you move forward from trying to killing yourself? He couldn't go back to bed and pretend it had never happened. Was he in shock? This was too much. He didn't want to think.

So he didn't.

Stan Pines stayed kneeled next to his bed, gun to his head until Ford had missed him long enough to go looking for him.

* * *

Ford had a normal morning. Wake up. Make sure his fluffy hair was perfect. Go downstairs. drink coffee with- where was Stan? Ford shrugged it off. Stan had plenty of late mornings, he was probably still asleep.

Take a walk in the morning sun. Secretly plan how he was going to ask Stan to sail with him after he got the boat. Go home. Pretend not to be super excited about his secret plans to surprise Stan. Hang out with- Still asleep maybe?

Ford was getting worried. He had just got back from his morning walk and Stan still wasn't up. Was he overreacting?

Deciding it was worth peace of mind if it meant waking up his brother, Ford walked down the hallways towards Stan's bedroom and opened the door. " Stanley are you in- Stanley?"

Ford gasped. _Nonononononono! "Ley?"_

Stan didn't move.

Welp, that didn't work.

Ford took a step closer and was both relieved and concerned when Stan didn't react. Another step. Nothing.

Walking over to his brother, Ford softly loosened the gun from Stan's hands. Stan's arm fell to his side limply. Ford looked at Stan, then back at the gun. Something felt off about it.

In one movement Ford disassembled the pistol and found the problem. He would have laughed had it not been his brother's life at stake. No bullets.

Throwing the useless pieces onto the mattress, Ford knelt down next to Stan and laid a tentative hand on Stan's shoulder. " Stanley- please say something."

Stan shifted slightly. He turned and Ford got a proper look at his face. Stan's eyes were glazed over as if he wasn't all there, and his face was devoid of any emotion.

Empty.

Lifeless.

Dead.

Ford suppressed a shiver. He never wanted to see his face look so lifeless ever again.

"Ford?" The voice was monotone, like a robot. Not at all like Stan's usually loud, extravagant speech. Ford's heart broke. Who was this and where was his twin?

" I-It's me, Stanley. I-It's going t-to be alright."

Stan just looked even more confused. " Ford, what's wrong with you? Mr. Articulate never stutters."

Ford let himself hope a little, that sounded a bit more like Stanley. _A bit more human._ Then what Stan asked sunk in. Ford controlled the urge to yell. Stanley didn't need anger. " What do you mean, 'what's wrong with me?' you just had a gun to your head, Stanley!." _Deep breathes Ford._ " I-I just... what's wrong? What happened? Talk to me, Ley."

Stan shrugged. " What's there to talk about? I tried to do the one worthwhile thing in my life and I can't even do that right. I pulled the trigger, Ford! I really did. But it didn't work. I can't even die right." Something he'd said seemed to really stun him because that's when Stan started crying. Large tears running silently down his now despairing features. " I'm sorry Ford. I'm such a screw-up, I-hic- can't do anythi-"

Okay, now Ford was angry. Nobody talked about his brother like that. Not even his brother. " STOP."

Stan looked up mid-sentence, stunned. " W-what?"

" Nobody talks about Stanley Pines that way, not even Stanley Pines, understand? He's a hero. He's MY hero. And I'll die before I see him suffer under such stupid delusions."

Stan wanted to interrupt-he wasn't sure that they were talking about the same Stan Pines-but the fire in Ford's eyes kept him from interrupting.

" Stanley Pines is a wonderful, old, grumpy con-man. He loves his family more than anything, but he never admits it. And everyone loves that about him. They love the way he has no shame when it comes to making money and despite being the best actor in the world, everyone knows he's just a softie that loves his family. He would do anything for his family. He sacrificed himself for them. He's a hero. And I'm a hero's brother." Ford lowered his voice, he had gotten kind of loud, but who could blame him? He always got over the top about things he was passionate about.

" And I'm okay with that because _you_ are my brother. You saved the world. You are the most creative, intelligent-" Stan made a noise of disbelief, " Yes, intelligent Stanley, not anyone could have fixed and made those adjustments to the portal the way you did. You're just as smart as I am. Even more so. You saw right through Bill Cipher. You out-conned the con-man, Stanley. You saved me, twice! If anyone should be sorry, it's me. I let dad throw you out and I unleashed Bill Cipher on the world and let you take the fall, I refused to give up an old grudge. I was the problem the entire time, but no one saw it. So Stanley, can you forgive me? Because you have nothing to be sorry for."

Ford knelt back down on the floor next to Stan- when had he stood up?- and mentally begged Stanley to understand. He was worth absolutely everything to Ford.

Ford watched as Stan sat, unresponsive to the massive impromptu speech Ford had just given. Just as Ford's hope started to dwindle to ever getting through to his brother, Stanley launched himself straight at Ford.

"Oof! Lee?" Ford was trapped between Stan's arms as Stan hugged him. " Heh. Yeah, I love you too Lee."

Was this a good time for random life-changing news? Ford hoped so because now that Stan seemed in the clear, Ford wanted to nail this coffin shut. Pulling away from the hug, which he immediately regretted, Ford looked Stan straight in the eyes. Stan looked apprehensive.

"Stanley?"

" Uh, yeah?" Dangit, they were both nervous now.

Ford pulled out the photograph and handed it to Stan who looked very confused. Ford cleared his throat. " I, well-" Ford went from whatever mushy thing he wanted to say to the speech he had made and rehearsed for weeks now. " Well, I've found some strange anomalies in the arctic ocean recently and I think I'm getting too old to do it alone." Ford's eyes lit up. " I was hoping to go with someone, but not anyone. With you Stanley. Will you give me a second chance?"

Stanley stared at the picture. Then at Ford. " Sixer, are you sayin' ya want to go on the adventure of a lifetime?"

Ford smiled slightly. " Depends, will my first mate be coming with me?"

Stan deadpanned. "Ford you must be goin' crazy."

Ford's heart sank.

Stan scowled. " You must be goin' crazy if you think you're goin' to be captain and I'm gonna be the first mate."

Ford's heart soared. He laughed. They were going to be okay.

* * *

 **Holy goodness people! I did not know where this was going when I started this and here we are. I'd say I'm sorry, but I'm not. I bored the whole 'your crazy if you think I'm going to be first mate' thing from someone else's suicidal Stan fic. I just wasn't sure how to end this horrifying piece of angst. Okay, I changed my mind, I am so sorry. Please don't hate me. Hope you liked it.**

 **Stan: WHY!?**

 **Ford: What he said.**

 **Me: It was midnight and I had been watching angsty videos again and so I wrote this and decided to publish it because why not? To anyone who read my other fics and this one: I make all of these up on the fly, and I rarely edit or do rough drafts. So if it's kinda lame that's why, but I hope you liked it anyway.**

 **Please review!**


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